Just when we thought we had a handle on Scotland's linguistic destiny a new black cloud hove to on the horizon. I am speaking of the disappearance of "Scots"-- the second indigenous language of our homeland-- the language of the great poet, Robert Burns. Unfortunately, studies show that it is going the way of the Gaelic.

Efforts are being made to stop the erosion, and I think we can help. For a language to survive outside of a linguistic museum, it must be used.

But, you cry, I have tried to learn Gaelic, and to no avail. I say to you; be of good cheer. Scots is an easier language by far. Let me demonstrate with part of the third verse from Burns' TO A MOUSE. The first paragraph is given in Gaelic, followed by Scots and then modern English.

Chan ionadh leam ged ghoid thu gran,
Oir mur a h-ith, cha bhi thu slan,

I doubt na, whyles, but thou may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, thou maun live,

I doubt not but while you may thieve;
What then? poor beastie, you must live,

Still having troubles? It may be that you aren't listening with the right ear-- literally! This is the advise from Napier University in Edinburgh. Just as we have a dominant hand; we have a dominant ear. The right ear can process auditory information coming in between 16-1600 Hz at a faster rate than our other more laggard apendage. Turn your cheek and try again. Ears are trainable.

Another difficulty for late learners is that, unlike language learned by children who grow up bi-lingual where the two language are laid one right on top of another, adult learners must try and find room to lay a parallel track beside the English stored in our frontal lobe. This makes us rather slower to learn; but as learning is a life long project, I see no difficulties... beyond memorizing verbs in the imperative mood. Besides, learning keeps our minds supple and young so that we don't need liposuction and lobe-lifts.

So, here is the linguistic acid test. Below is a version of The Lord's Prayer rendered in Old Scots. If you can decode this, modern Scots will be a breeze for you.

Uor fader quhilk beest i Hevin, Hallowit weird thyne nam.
Cum thyn kinrik. Be dune thyne wull as is i Hevin, sva po yerd.
Uor dailie breid gif us thilk day. And forleit us uor skaiths,
as we forleit themquhu skaith us. And leed us na untill temptatioun.
Butan fre us fra evil.
Amen.

For those that feel the need of some extra help, a Scots Language spell-checker is now availaible. CannaeSpell is available at: www.snda.org.ukc.cspell.html.

I maun gae.